it lives?

finally have new computer..  let the random sketching begin.. very unfinished quick hand and figure sketch.. just sick of my horrendously low skill level..  ughs i really should be drawing daily..  Gotta level up!

hand-figure-unfinished

I miss Brog

I found myself at a reading for some grad students non-fiction/poetry finals.  Im not a student myself.

I dropped out of undergrad for the third time last august and moved to pittsburgh.  I’m not sure why..  I tell people it was to get away, to get a fresh start, to spend some time with my brother out here…  whatever who cares.. stop asking me about my boring life.  Dont! ask me what i do.  “I do nothing..”

“Whaaa?  that cant be true!”  I usually respond that i work at a shitty lower class job making sandwiches for people or if more info is needed… “I want to be a visual artist”  but thats such a empty statement.. and the soon to be neuro-biologist or violinist or social-science major see this and look at me with pity..  Whatever.. thankfully most social situations these days are a bi-product of my attempts to get fucked up..

It was early December.  We were late to the reading and did the awkward ‘oh shit only the front seats are left’ dance.  I had those damned winter sniffles all through the first half of students accounts of mushroom hunting, deer hunting, or how to shit outdoors.  I guess one of the classes must have been on how to romanticize your childhood outdoor memories of the time spent with your father.  The poetry was good from what i comprehended.  I found myself easily losing track of the imagery and story the writers were going for and just letting myself go to the sounds of someone reading to a crowded quite room with that one asshole and wouldn’t just blow his nose already..  thankfully there was a quick a intermission for us smokers and urinaters.

i made sure to blow my nose after my smig and sat myself down for the second half.

He read five short poems.  The first couple were good, but soon i was lost again in sounds of speech.  She spoke of a sweat-lodge.  It helped warm my skin and bones body which had lost most of its heat reservoir from the trip outside.  Soon the professor crossed the last students name off her list and the reading was over.

And before anyone, including myself, could react and shift to getting-the-hell-out-of-there mode, I did something…

—–

Being in the front row it was two quick strides to the podium “I would like to read something if you don’t mind”.  I proceeded to unfold imaginary sheets of paper like id seen the actual writers do and prepped for my reading

“I wish i knew words..

but more than anything in the world i wish i knew how to sing..

I think i would be a much happier person..

If i did know words and how to write them i would say this…

—–

“Days away and worlds apart

we the sheeple

brush shoulders

to stir  sleepwalking hearts”

—–

…only better

..Thankyou”

Freedom!

people_everywhere_1

Anything.4

More Lameness

Click to enlarge doodles

Tablet practice

• Still getting used to drawing with a tablet
• Some practice stuff below
• I’m not sure what exactly i have going on here…but i seem to like it

Motivation… Failing…

• Oh how I pine for the server battlefields, neatly separated maps divided in 30 minute increments of complete rushing; all out slaughter brought on by yours truly. Nights of endless, pointless destruction are a thing of the past for me, but the memories are oh so present. Idealized, raised to a higher level, much like childhood memories. Shit they are childhood memories. And I’m just starting to grow up…

• My drawing instructor wants our next project to have real substance, as opposed to previous assignments that have a certain overnight type of quality time invested. She is looking for, nay demanding we “push this project to the masterpiece level” with emphasis on narrative and subject. She told us she once heard that any piece of art that isn’t produced with some political/social intent its just vain and egotistical.

Lets take a look at the first piece I ever did in Photoshop. It reflects my personal work and direction from high-school on and is one of my personal favorites

Yup, vain

Tablet Fun!

• I got sick of drawing in my sketchbook so I switched over to my new tablet
  • haven’t got to spend that much time with it despite its awesomeness (Thanks Mom!)

• Tried applying some volume drawing stuff

I obviously still have alot to learn about tablet drawing and volume drawing. Shit proportions for that matter.

• Didn’t get that much work done tonight so this post counts for day 3

• Not missing the vidja games too much today
  • Too busy freaking out over these projects i guess

Game over man!

• Day 2 and I already feel dead inside. The evening of day one was bad enough… The cravings attached to other addictions are seeping in to fill the gap. I’ll try to stave them off as long as I can.

• Nonetheless I am definitely in a larger stock of free time. I imagine I spent a good 4-6 hours minimum daily playing video games. I spent last night finishing up a class assignment not due until tomorrow. Quite a rarity for me.

• I’m learning about masking in a computer graphics class right now

Below is a pic I did quickly to test out the brush I made from a mask

• My brother asked about any posting goals I had for the blog. I would like to post at least one picture/drawing a day for starters, then maybe work up to 2 sketchbook drawings and 1 tablet study a day.

• 2 class projects due this week though (should be working on those right now) so nothing too crazy awesome this week.

No More Video Games

Introduction:

• Video games waste too much of my free time. I love virtual gaming and there will always be a special place in my heart for such a pass-time. However, enough is enough! All of my free time is spent pwning hardcore in the virtual worlds as I leave my life to rot in reality. I must put some stop to this endless euphoric consumption!

Goals:

• To stop all virtual gaming activities on my own private time
• Log my thoughts and progress of this horrendous endeavour
• And use this blog as a stepping stone to document my art studies (Now that I have all this free time)

Rules:

• No virtual gaming by myself – No flash games, no online puzzles, no console games, no pc games
  • Gaming in a social environment grounded in reality is the only exception
    • The true harmful habit comes in the privacy of my own space and time. Considering my current social behaviors I still see very little gaming in the future save for a local tournament or a visit to friends back home

Final Thoughts:

• I have tried vowing off games in the past to no avail. I Don’t know if I have the will to stay away from the lure of video games. Hopefully I can stay off the stuff long enough to finish this term of art classes I’m taking. Who knows how I’ll end up. Maybe I’ll been seen in a week on some street corner appearing to solicit sex only to be some lost gamer looking for a quick game of rock, paper, scissors…